I warned you and here it is--my Royal Rumble write-up. The road to Wrestlemania begins here. All (most) of the titles are on the line as well as two tickets to the main event of April's supershow in the form of two rumble matches. Do 30 women even work for WWE? Let's find out . . .
AJ Styles defended his title in a handicap match against Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn, which could've allegedly resulted in the first ever case of "co-champions". The WWE seems pretty high on Owens, so there was a point in the build up to this match that I actually thought they might so something like that. It's really not all that different from what Owens and Jericho did on Raw previously. It's a forgone conclusion that this match was going to be good, just considering the talent level of the three men and the hot Philly crowd. The story of the match, built around AJ's wearing down Kevin's leg and countering Sami's bigger offense, made the scenario of AJ defeating both of them a little easier to swallow, and I don't think this loss harms them too much as singles competitors. The superkick to Blue Thunder Bomb combo that almost cost AJ the match was the high spot to look for. Great execution of moves and facial expressions by everybody involved. This might be my favorite handicap match since CM Punk vs. The Shield from 2013.
The Usos faced Shelton Benjamin and Chad Gable in a two out of three falls match for the Smackdown tag titles. Benjamin and Gable came out to a very small reaction, but the Usos firey promo on the ramp as they sauntered to the ring got the crowd invested enough for the solid in-ring work of all four men to bring the building back to life. Gable was especially crisp and on-point with everything he did. As Jim Ross would say, "the kid has a huge upside." The build up to the first fall would've been a decent match in itself, and after the Doomsday Device to the floor by the challengers, I thought things were going to shift gears and we were going to get a real barn burner, but alas, the Usos got a sneaky and way-too-quick second fall with a basic roll-up. I felt as robbed as the challengers. This wasn't a bad match, but it felt like half of a larger epic that we'll probably get to see in full on Smackdown at some point.
The men's rumble match followed the unfortunately short tag title match, beginning with an amazing reaction for Aiden English and Rusev. Finn Balor was the second entrant in the thirty man contest and the crowd stayed hype well into the hour long affair. Rumble matches are difficult to write about, and sometimes a little tedious to watch, but this year the order of the entrants and the general pacing of the eliminations were much better than usual. There were still some typical "Rumble moments", like Kofi Kingston being saved by a plate of pancakes, but for the most part, the little bursts of wrestling when guys would pair off was pretty good. Andrade Almas and Adam Cole from NXT got to strut their stuff for a bit, and The Hurricane even showed up. The reaction for Rey Mysterio was very strong as well, and he looked to be in much better physical shape since the last time I saw him in a WWE ring. The face off between the "establishment" (Roman and Cena) and the "internet darlings" (Shinsuke and Balor) told the whole story for the last leg of the match. Shinsuke's hard fought triumph over Reigns and Cena was very rewarding to watch, and his post match announcement that he'd be facing AJ Styles at Wrestlemania gave me Wrestle Kingdom flashbacks. We now know at least one amazing main event match for 'Mania is confirmed. This throws the fans a bone, and clears the universal title for either Finn or Roman to chase.
After an extended ad for KFC in which non other than Ric Flair won the title of "Colonel" and strutted all over his legacy, we get a Raw brand tag title match between challengers The Bar and the duo of Seth Rollins and Jason Jordan. First off, I'd like to note that the commentary, with all the slup-ups and bickering was so bad during this match I wanted to hit mute. It really took away from the match for anyone watching at home. The story told in the ring saw Jordan incapacitated after taking a ring post to the face and Rollins wrestling what was essentially a handicap match against Sheamus & Cesaro. This was an alright match that was more about setting up a future storyline than anything else, and could have been on Raw. Cesaro and Sheamus reclaim their titles, hopefully freeing Seth Rollins from the yoke that is putting over Jason Jordan in the near future.
"Triple Threat Rules" meant that the Universal title match between Brock Lesnar, Braun Strowman and Kane was basically a hardcore match, with plenty of tables, chairs, and steel steps involved. The three behemoths of the Raw roster put each other through a series of devastating but uninspired spots. This wasn't a technical classic, but it was an effective "hoss fight" and an important part of the tapestry of any good wrestling card is a good hoss fight. Lesnar pinned Kane, leaving Strowman with a grievance and a possible rematch at either Elimination Chamber or Fastlane. They *could* hold off until 'Mania, but I really feel like the WWE wants to conclude their Roman Reigns fantasy novel with a win over The Beast on their promotion's grandest stage. A brief, been-there-done-that kind of match, but entertaining nonetheless.
By the time the women's rumble match rolled around, I was beginning to get restless and braced myself for a looming disappointment. After all, the women's roster is sparse with credible contenders, mostly thanks to some questionable booking over the last year. With the twin champions Charlotte and Alexa Bliss at ringside, Sasha banks entered at #1 and gradually the match lured me back into the program, as seeing some of the nostalgia acts that WWE wheeled out got me feeling a little sentimental about the "importance" of the whole thing. Sometimes hearing Stephanie McMahon harp on about the women's revolution bugs me and seems tacky, but as Lita, Trish Stratus, Molly Holly, and others got in the ring and mixed it up with current women, the fact that these female legends never had a platform like this in their time really hit me. For instance, Stratus had fantastic matches and rivalries with the likes of Victoria and Mickie James in her days on Raw, but there were also stupid skits where she had to bark like a dog and debase herself. The bad outweighed the good when you look back on portrayals of females up until a few years ago, I guess is what I'm trying to say. The classic who got to come out also acted as a detriment to the match overall, I felt like, as it exposed some gaps in the current roster and how underdeveloped some of the women like Mandy Rose and Sarah Logan are in terms of having an established character.
Asuka's victory over the returning Bella twins and a Wonder Woman-clad Sasha Banks was a relief to me, as I like seeing her winning streak intact and her development as a fan favorite has translated to the WWE deciding to pull the trigger with her, as they apparently have with Nakamura. (Man, Japan don't play. They took two rumbles in one night!) Ronda Rousey showed up at the end, to make sure WWE stays in the broader sports-entertainment conversation and carry the momentum to Wrestlemania. The ending was nice and ambiguous, leaving us to wonder how the celebrity guest and rumble winner will be paired off. What's the better match? Asuka vs. Charlotte or Rousey vs. Charlotte? Not to dump on Alex Bliss or anything, but Charlotte is kind of the "iconic" one here. On the other hand, I;d like to see Asuka get a big win over Charlotte or maybe even suffer her first loss to her at Wrestlemania.
While the show ran a bit long for my weary eyes and brain, it delivered in almost every match. The matter of how important the tag title stuff will be in the long run is always up for debate, and if anything, I might have left the Rollins/Jordan stuff for Raw and given that time to the Universal title triple threat and the 2/3 falls match. Minor quibbles aside, this sets up an exciting course for Wrestlemania; at least more exciting than I remember at this time last year. The countdown to Nakamura/Styles is on!
Alright, that's seven hours of rasslin' watched and wrote about. Back to the comics, a more serious medium for a more sofisticated audience. Harumph!
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